Thanks to the outstanding work the movie and media industry have done over the last few decades many of us were driven at some point in our lives to venture on the quest to find “the one”! The thought of possibly marrying someone who is not “the one” can be terrifying… Over time, I believe we wound up having a relationship with LOVE – one that inspired movies, songs, greeting cards and paved the way for so many industries all selling LOVE!
Reality is that when “in love” we are actually not thinking straight… when two people are attracted to one another, the body produces mood-altering chemicals that override rational thought and gives them the illusion of being in love… Researchers believe this state-of-mind or should we say “state-of-heart” could last between 12 and 18 months which explains the more than 50% divorce rate of the many disillusioned people who did not marry for the right reasons and got divorced for the wrong ones!
Apparently, attraction is multiplied and “love” is way more intense when it is triggered under arousing conditions such as a political demonstration, turbulence on a plane, a robbery, war – basically any occasion when our body is stirred up and excited. Probably inspiration for the many fantasy tales of prince charming riding on a white horse and coming to save the damsel in distress…
Statistics show that we usually fall in love with people we have known for a while and that quick love only occurs 40% of the time… Another interesting fact is that whilst being very unattractive can hinder one’s chances of finding love, being attractive doesn’t help either. That should be good news for the average looking people out there!
According to psychologists, it takes 90 seconds to 4 minutes to like or unlike a person; 55% from body language, 38% from the tone of voice and 7% from what they say… Every single phase from thereon has a very valid scientific explanation. Apparently, love has the same effect on our brain as does cocaine and brings about anxiety and sleeplessness in the same manner… But what scientists deem the most important chemical in love is serotonin! Doctors who analyzed blood samples from people in “new love” found that serotonin levels were the same as those of patients with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) – which is why thinking about the loved one can become excessive!
Whatever it is, chemical combustions, childish behavior or naivety, the fact remains that it is the reason humans continue to exist. Sometimes nature intervenes in this manner to help speed up the reproductive process by moving it away from thought and calculation. Fact is that when we are mesmerized by someone, we tend to idealize them and wash away their flaws in the name of love…
Osho says that the love we experience is merely sexual infatuation and that it bares no depth at all. He finds that we need to rise into it rather than fall and that this process requires falling as many times as needed before we can be grounded enough not to “fall” anymore.
Once we understand love a little more, then we can try to divert ourselves from embarking on relationships that have significant implications such as those with mere physical values such as beauty, money or power. For one, it is important to have a genuine friendship and caring in order to find long-term stability. Researchers found that the two most important attributes for somewhat sustainable love were kindness and intelligence – both of which can only be uncovered with a little time… So next time you encounter the gush of lust, ask yourself if it’s for reasons that are right for you… Chances are if you’ve fallen enough times – you will surely be able to answer that!